i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
