i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We have started to decorate penises.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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