I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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