I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
