No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
