And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
