so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
