I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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