Betty ford says i'm here all night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
