break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
