I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
