This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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