I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
