I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was like getting head from an anaconda
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
