the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize