i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
