Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
