i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Naked. naked and bneed help.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
