Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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