I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize