dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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