So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
