I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
