so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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