I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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