So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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