How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
