Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
