WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
