Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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