It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
