I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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