gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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