All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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