Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
