i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
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Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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