i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
