I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
