I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
