yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."