And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
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dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
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I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right