I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
