What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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