So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
