wanna go halves on a baby?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
