i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
