How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
