yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
