i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.