Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Randomize
