i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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