you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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