Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
