Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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