you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
