I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
