i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
