dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
