i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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