If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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