just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
