Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
