so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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