my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Boobs are out for the taking
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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