I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
