Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
