Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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