Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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