i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
